I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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