Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
