Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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