im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
