He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
