I just saw a hot homeless man
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
