So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
