Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
