I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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