I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
