Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
