just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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