the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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