Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
