Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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