you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
