What did we do last night that was yellow?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
