Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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