Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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