dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize