is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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