He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
