So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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