and you said cock pushups were impossible
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
