There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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