So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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