They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
