it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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