Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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