Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
