We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
