just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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