he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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