Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
