i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
