I hate all girls vehemently.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
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