It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
