His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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