I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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