Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
