I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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