We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
