'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
