Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
