pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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