Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
