Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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