He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
