Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I have aggressive nipples.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
