did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
