omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
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