Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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