she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
