Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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