Pappa wants mamma naked
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
