I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
