how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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