kristin has been a bad kristin
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
