K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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