Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
