I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
