True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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