I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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