please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
