I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
