so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize