that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
