Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
