So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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