plz talk dirty to me
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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