Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
