Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I will pee on everything he values.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
