from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
