I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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