i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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