I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize